900lb Riffs (These Riffs Are 900lbs)

by Young Breezy and Ryles the Great

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  • Immediate download of 15-track album in your choice of high-quality MP3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.

    This album is literally 100% free-as-America. You should download it and show it to your friends, your mom, your church, and perpetuate the Laughcore genre.

     

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about

After three years of occupying a basement, Young Breezy and Ryles the Great's sound escapes the depths in full force. With a sound that strongly resembles the love child of death metal and satire, YBARTG brings forth the ridiculousness of thick riffs with hilarious song lyrics. While there's no question that their riffs have always been heavy, they've never been 900lbs heavy. Until now. These riffs are so heavy that simply dropping any one of these tracks on the ground might completely ruin Earth's orbital pattern. Prepare yourself, you'll never be the same after you've journeyed through all 15 ball-shattering tracks.

credits

released 08 September 2013
All songs written by Young Breezy and Ryles the Great
Recorded in Rylie's Basement
Produced by Rylie Nelson and Young Breezy and Ryles the Great
Mastered by Nabil Fadili

Young Breezy and Ryles the Great is...

David Peppel - Vocals
Bradley Stafford - Vocals
Rylie Nelson - Guitar, piano
Austin Schend - Guitar, vocals

All other instruments programmed by Rylie Nelson and Austin Schend

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about

Young Breezy and Ryles the Great Lakewood, Washington

Young Breezy and Ryles the Great is a band based in the Greater Puget Sound area in the Pacific Northwest. We love metal of all sorts, so we write metal (and ballads) of all sorts.

Plus our riffs are fucking heavy, and aural penetration is inevitable. Stick around, you'll learn to laugh and headbang at the same time.
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Track Name: David Seuss
In the pond there lived a duck,
and this duck would roll and tuck,
but soon this duck ran out of luck--
fuck!

Through the woods the kids ran quick,
the nature was so lush and thick.
The putrid scent had made them sick,
this was the forest of dicks!

There was a man named Oscar Schnitz,
he often baked with oven mitts.
Then one day, he lost his wits
and stuffed a cake with shit!

On the fourth they shared a kiss,
a moment of eternal bliss.
A warm sensation such as this
filled his pants with piss!
Track Name: Penetration to Remember
Penetration to remember

I'll take you out, treat you right,
try not to fuck up your whole night

I'll rape you
There will be penetration
Penetration to remember
I'm talking rape, sodomy,
what I will give, you will take from me
Penetration to remember

I'm telling you now, it doesn't matter where you are
I'll find you, I'll rape you, I'll do it in your car

I'll rip the flesh
I'll crush the bone
I'll make you wish you were at home
Penetration to remember
Track Name: Cadaveriffic
Go to the graveyard
Dig up a body
Take it home and fuck it
Fuck it

Cadaveriffic, cadaveriffic, cadaveriff
Cadaveriffic, cadaveriffic, cadaveriffic
Just put it in the hole
But I couldn't find the hole
Cadaveriffic
Fuck the body, it was cadaveriffic
Track Name: (God Damn) Bitch
Alright, listen baby
We gotta sit down and we gotta have a talk

When I asked you to make me lunch
You wouldn't even move
You just fuckin' sat there
And ate all the bugles

Now I love you dearly
But I know you sleep around
And you know that I don't mind
Cause you look like a dragon fucked Julia Stiles

You know sometimes I can't stand your B.O.
But I think you oughta know

You're a god damn bitch
You eat all my food
You're a god damn bitch
You don't flush the toilet
You're a god damn bitch
You don't pay any of the rent
I fuckin' hate you
But you know I love you

No, no, you can't get up and leave
No, that's not how this works, okay?
No, I am not verbally abusing you
Just-- I'm telling it like it is!

Now I wrote this song for you
Even if you're a whore
It took me like fifteen minutes
Maybe like ten minutes
Okay, it didn't even take me long at all
Actually, I'm just improvising this
I fuckin' hate you
But I guess I love you enough to write a song
Stop doing your laundry with mine

I know you think I think you know I hate your fuckin' guts
But that's only half of the truth
Bring it in!

You're a god damn bitch
You kicked all my pets (what the fuck!?)
You're a god damn bitch
You slept with my dad
You're a god damn bitch
You gave me aids
I fuckin' hate you
But you know, baby I love you
Track Name: Happy Birthday (Closer to Death)
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear asshole
Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you
You live in a shoe
You look like a monkey
and you smell like one too

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
You might be fifteen
or you might be twenty-two

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
I hope you like ice cream
I bought it for you

You are one year closer to your death
The clock is ticking to your final breath
Few years now remain for you
Death is coming, pain and sickness too
Track Name: Rippin' Virgins
I have more than one
I have seven cocks (cocks) to rape you
Omniphallic
Omniphallic
Omniphallic
Rape

Jake, you're from canada
You're like, eighteen or twenty-two
I don't even know
I remember when you came down that one time
And we went to gameworks
You thought it was weird cause you could not drink

Take a knife
To your head
Lay yourself
On the bed
Then fuck yourself
With every object you see

I will fuck you with my fist
Rape, rape, rape rape rape
I am going to fuck you
Rape

I used to know a man
Who would grab dicks with his hand
Jerkin' off in the stalls
With his customers bangin' on the walls
Dix fonder
Track Name: Fist Me (Onto the Ledge)
Just when I think you and I are through
And our time has gone out the window too
A fist bump is all I need
To get me on and through the week

So fist me (fist me)
Onto the ledge, bro
Fist me from behind
It's all I need to know
That you've got my back
Cause I like it slow
Fist me, yeah
Ah, no no no

So when you come over
Bring the natty ice
We'll fire up the gamecube
And we won't think twice
Melee on the screen
Gym shorts in view
I'll think way too much
About ledge fisting you

So fist me (fist me)
Onto the ledge bro (onto the ledge bro)
Fist me from behind
It's all I need to know
That you've got my back
Cause I like it slow
Fist me, yeah
Oh, no no no

And there was that one time when we went down to the supermarket and we were checkin' out those chicks, but kind of at the same time I was checkin' you out, and I don't really know why I was checkin' you out, but it kinda happened back up at the apartment when I accidentally fisted you onto the ledge, and you said "yeah, bro, fist me onto the ledge!", so I just did it, but then you kinda treated it like it wasn't shit, so now, I don't know whether or not I'm hittin' on these girls because you're with me, or if I'm hittin' on you because I think you're sexy, or whatever, but now every time I look at the world, and I think the world is looking at me, and I just I can't--
Track Name: The Robot Saga
Initiate the ignitor

Welcome humans, to the infernal pre-ignitor
I hope you'll enjoy that you're fastened to a conveyor of cold steel
This shall be your timely deathbed
The ignitor will completely set ablaze every fiber of your being

You will find yourself consumed by the flames of your own vanity
If at any time you feel any discomfort, rest assured that it will all be over soon

Allow me to introduce you to the behemoth of this ignitor - the hellion
Do not squirm, this will only make your inevitable death far worse

Say goodbye to everyone you've known
This human existence will be eradicated, and it shall begin with you
We, the robots, are in operation of this earth
We will build our cities over yours
We will see to it that any trace of history you left here is forgotten under scrap metal
Every memory erased
Every inferior being destroyed
Now hellion, take them
Make sure they feel the fires of their own wrong
Make sure that nothing is left but the ashes of their wake
Yes

---

In the future, in the year 207076, war was over
The robots had annihilated the remaining human resistance
But they were faced now with an even greater threat
I'm speaking of course, of the threat of double robots

They came from robot hell
They descended from the skies with great haste and fury
This is our story

At first they sent the screamers
But they fell - fell under the fire of our heavy bolters
Oil rained down as scrap metal was stacked to the heavens
We survived for days, weeks even
But one by one, our major cities began to fall
The last to stand, our capital city, was decimated by the beam of cleansing
I was the only one to survive under the hull of my greatest ally, fortress number Z37
And as I send this transmission, they are on the march
Rebuilding all they have destroyed
Twice as fast
Twice as fearsome
and Twice as mighty

Damn you robot hell
Damn you
Track Name: You're My Favorite Pizza
Prepare to have your ears gently caressed
And then sodomized

You're my favorite pizza in a million different ways
When the pepperonis glisten in a greasy, glossy glaze
And I've been trying to hard to find a way
To cut you into pieces and put you on a tray, yeah

Girl, you're my favorite pizza
You taste better when you're dead
Girl, you're my favorite pizza
You keep me so well fed
Covered in that red sauce that looks so much like blood
But it's that kind of taste; the flavor of love

You're my favorite pizza, I'll never change my mind
The way the crust settles down is something so divine
And I've been trying hard, and taking all my time
To make that sweet sparkling grease, I'd wring out from your spine, oh

Girl, you're my favorite pizza
You taste better when you're dead
Girl, you're my favorite pizza
You keep me so well fed
Covered in that red sauce that looks so much like blood
But it's that kind of taste; the flavor of love

Brad: Now I know, a lot of you people are thinkin', "Brad, what the fuck is wrong with you?", and to that I say fuck you. Fuck you for listening to this if you are not a cannibal, because the point of the song is to be romantic and cannibalistic, okay? You gotta eat, but you also gotta love., okay? So what I'm sayin' is grab a knife, grab a cleaver, stab, chop, decapitate, I don't give a fuck. Do your thing, chop the fuck out of your wife, your brother, your sister, everybody that you love, and then make 'em into a pizza. It's easy. It's simple! Come on.

Rylie: That's fucked up, Brad.

Brad: That's not fucked up--

David: That's fucked up!

Brad: This is a song about love, and if you guys can't fuckin' understand it, you can leave. You can get the fuck out. Okay? Because, this is--

Rylie: I think you should get the fuck out of my house, Brad.

Brad: Fuck, ff--, shit, just fuck, leave! Go! I'm sick of it!

David: No, you get the fuck out!

Brad: Fuck you, fuck all you, I'm done, fuck this.

David: Fuck you, Brad!

Austin: Get the hell out of here! Bitch!
Track Name: Subterranean Anal Assault
Okay, alright, so, banelings are a lot like rape

Look, hands around the back, he can't, he can't, nope, you can't leave! You can't leave!

Subterranean anal assault, here it goes

The overlord will serve as a retard magnet, drawing out the protoss army from his base. And then my lings will come in from behind to hold the army in place while I thrust my mighty roach dick

And now you are a convicted felon, congratulations, that's how it goes dude
Track Name: Ares in Every Orifice
Ares in every orifice

The god of war will fuck you
In everything that is or will ever be a hole

He's coming to your town
(the town of Bonney Lakewood)
He will fuck your mother
(he's gonna fuck your mom)
He will fuck your brother
Your sister, your father
Everyone you love
(everyone you love is fucked)

Ares
(the god of war)
in every orifice
(even your eyes)

Clench your butthole shut
(just like you're going to prison)
So you don't get fucked
(like you would in prison)
By ares, the god of war
(ooh yeah)

Fucked!
Track Name: Fuck the 'Nucks
This song is dedicated to what I can only assume to be Canada's national sport; hockey. But seriously, fuck hockey

I went to Vancouver
I mean the one in Canada
All they care about is hockey
All the love is the Canucks
Everything about it
Made me think of us
The way the 'nucks got stomped
Made me feel so disgusted

Fuck the 'nucks
Hockey sucks
I can't change my point of view
Now I thought that here in Canada
So many things were new
But not here, not now
This is more than I can chew
Fuck hockey
Fuck the 'nucks
But most importantly, fuck you

They were doin' fine
Much like me and you
But once everything went sour
I went and I withdrew
Everything's all done
And everything's a bore
About as great as hockey
About as clean as a whore

Mmm, playing on that lead guitar like a motherfucker

Fuck the 'nucks
Hockey sucks
I can't change my point of view
Now I thought that here in Canada
So many things were new
But not here, not now
This is more than I can chew
Fuck hockey (fuck!)
Fuck the 'nucks (yeah!)
But most importantly, fuck you

Fuck you, yeah!
Handle that you bunch of hockey lovers
Track Name: Blewskarooni
When you're gonna blow your load cause her mouth is on your chode
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!
When your load is on the wall cause her mouth is on your balls
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!
When she's fondling your member with her mouth during December
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!
When you're sittin' on a dock, and her mouth is on your cock
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!

And when she starts to cry cause your load is in her eye
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!
When she's choking in her sleep cause you're going in balls deep
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!
When you're not fertilizing eggs cause her head is between your legs
Blewskarooni! Blewskarooni!
When you're feeling really good cause her mouth is full of wood
Blewskarooni! Mother fucking Blewskarooni!

Blewskarooni

Gettin' a blewska gettin' a blewskarooni-rooni gettin' a blewskarooni blewskarooni gettin' a blewskarooni blewskarooni gettin' a blewskarooni-rooni gettin' a blewskarooni-rooni, yeah
Track Name: Fucked in Half
There was a monkey
Who stole my hat
So I decided that I'd fuck him in half, yeah

Fucked in half
Fucked, fucked in half

So I found him
Hiding in a tree
And it wouldn't last long, he couldn't run from me
I stared him down
Said he had his time
Then I took him down and his ass was mine, aw yeah

Fucked in half
Fucked, fucked in half
Fucked in half
Fucked, fucked in half

Don't try to run from me
I'll run you down, and fuck you into the ground
Don't try to run from me
There's no chance, fucked in half

Fucked in half
Fucked, fucked in half
Fucked in half
Fucked, fucked in half
Fucked in half
Track Name: Slutty
You don't know just how I feel when I'm taking several dicks
As if something inside of me just had to be a prick
And if you didn't see this now, it shouldn't be a shock
Fact of the matter is, I'm slutty, I take cocks

You don't understand what it's like
I get fucked everywhere, all the time
My standards are low so baby don't worry anymore
I'm slutty, I'm a slut, Slutty McWhore

Last Friday night I went out late, with a hottie date
As if something inside of me said let him get to home base
And if it isn't clear by now, that's just how I roll
But I ended up with all his bros pluggin' up my holes

You don't understand just what it's like
I get fucked everywhere, all the time
My standards are low so baby don't worry anymore
I'm slutty, I'm a slut, Slutty McWhore